I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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