I heard we made out
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
