No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
