My room smells like vodka and shame
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
