Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
