But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
