She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
