The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
