in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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