I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
