Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
