he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
