She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
