Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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