I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
