Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
