Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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