Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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