I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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