I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
