I love black thongs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
