I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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