Duck Duck Cougar?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
