The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
