I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So vagazzling was a success
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
