k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
