Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
