Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
