the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
