i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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