3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
