Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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