I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
