Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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