At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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