i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
