I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
