PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In America we eat man semen.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
