I just saw a hot homeless man
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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