Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
