hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
