I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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