My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
