turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
