everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do herpes really smell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
