she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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