i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
