i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
