Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
