hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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