She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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