Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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