wanna go halves on a baby?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
