All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
